Oh hey! It’s me again. I’ve been away, doing the ‘ignoring my self-care, and struggling with balancing family, work and school’ life. Always a good time. Guess what happened on my break? I gained weight, I grew severely depressed, and my anxiety skyrocketed through the roof. I was dealing with my stress by eating. I’m talking outrageous eating like eating an entire bag of donuts by myself, afterward eating a king size pack of Reese’s cups and washing it down with soda… or buying a medium sized pizza and eating it by myself, and washing it down again with more soda.
I was a hot mess.
I messed with my hormones so much that I just didn’t care about anything except eating, sleeping, working, and taking care of my daughter. I hated life. I hated everything, and I know my family and my marriage was also suffering from my issues. I’m sorry babe, I love you!
I was also having issues with the medication I was taking for the depression/anxiety that triggered my snap back to reality. I actually had suicidal ideations. That shit is SCARY. I have never dreamed of wanting to kill myself. NEVER. No matter how depressed I was, suicide never entered my mind. I started taking anxiety medication because of the stress I was under and boom, there’s random images popping up of me wanting to shoot myself in the head. It wouldn’t go away. That meant it was time to get my shit back together, and needless to say, I weaned myself off those meds faster than Mr. Krabs seeing someone touch his money.
I weighed 247 pounds at my highest in October of 2017.
I can tell you exactly where my issue stemmed from: Living with my parents, my job, and overloading myself at school. I’ve since fixed the situations I was in. We’ve moved into our own home, I moved to a different area at work, and I am now taking my time with my schooling. The stress I felt went from a scale of 100 to about a 10 in no time flat. It’s almost blissful.
During that transition, I shaved my head and again started eating the best way of eating everrrrrr! KETO! <3 I also feel like the head shaving made me a new, confident woman. I enjoyed it thoroughly. I donated my hair to a charity called Children with Hair Loss. I’m going to grow my hair out again and do it again!
Anyway, today is February 7, 2018. I will officially be at 30 pounds lost here soon. I’m weighing in at 218.8 as of this morning. I’m not rushing things because I’ve come to realize that obsessing over macros or exercise really burns me out. I have no time for that. None. No patience, no time. No sense sugar coating it. I’m doing lazy keto. It’s going to be a bit of a struggle with PCOS to get to my goal weight, but the struggle is only half the battle, right? I love a good challenge.
Winners don’t fall down and stay down. We get up, brush ourselves off, and continue our journeys, pushing forward.
Love and Peace upon you, my friends.